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Friday, December 4, 2009

Plagiarism At Its Finest

Didn't feel like writing a whole long blog about the Nets

a) because they don't deserve it
b) because I don't really like the state they play in and
c) what have the Nets done for me lately?

But I am getting ready to "star" (and I use that term very loosely) in a movie based on a NJ Nets player called Just Wright. But you knew that wright? So it's only "wright" that I "wright" something about these losers. This guy said it better than I ever could though...Enjoy

this is just mean
Not exactly what the NBA marketing department had in mind when they started that campaign...

The New Jersey Nets: Certain world events that have taken place during my lifetime will forever linger in my memory. The Challenger disaster. The September 11 terrorist attacks. Gigli. And then there is the shocking case of the 2009-10 New Jersey Nyets.

Seriously. It's pretty unreal that the Nyets could steal the headlines on a day when it was revealed that Ron Artest admitted he "used to drink halftime" and said "When I was a 19-year-old father ... I was a single pimp!"

There were a lot of worsts last night, but each and every one of them pale in comparison to what the Nyets managed to do. Last night, New Jersey earned a permanent spot in the Basketbawful Hall of Shame by surpassing the 1988-89 Miami Heat and 1998-99 Los Angeles Clippers for the worst start in NBA history: 0-18. And, really, "surpass" isn't the right word to use when talking about anything this bawfulest of bawful teams has accomplished. Underpassed? I'm not sure that's a word, but I'm using it.

The best / worst part of what happened is how it happened. The Nyets entered the game ranked dead last in both scoring and shooting. Well, their defense was apparently jealous of their offense, because the D tried its damnedest to underpass the O. The Nyets meekly surrendered 49 points in the second quarter as the Mavericks shot 17-for-19 from the field. Dallas shot 81 percent in the first half. According to STATS, LLC., that makes them the first team to make 80 percent of its shots in a half since the Denver Nuggets kicked in 82 percent of their shots against (of course) the Clippers on April 4, 2006.

So, to sum up, the Nyets knew going in that they were about to step into "Worst Team Ever" territory if they lost the game, and yet they gave up 77 points on 80 percent shooting in the first two quarters and were down by 27 points at halftime. Were they even trying to avoid infamy? Or were they embracing it, kind of like how person will induce vomiting if they're drunk enough, because sometimes throwing up all over yourself actually feels better than not doing it.

Basketbawful reader Olivier K. sent in this image that sums up the Nyets DEFENSIVE FAIL of a first half:

Nyets defenisve fail

The Mavs really pulled back on the throttle during the second half -- they scored only 12 points in the fourth, apparently because Rick Carlisle invoked the slaughter rule -- and still ended up scoring 117 points while shooting nearly 60 percent from the field. And did I mention that, gulp, this massacre happened on the Nyets' home court?

Said Chris Douglas-Roberts: "At this point, I feel the streak has definitely gotten the best of us. It's really starting to get to us now. So when a team goes on a run, we kind of, it's almost like we give up, which is really unfortunate but that's what it looks like to me. We kind of give up and just lay down instead of trying to fight."

Added interim coach Tom Barrise: "I think what happens is you know it wears on you. It's not a two-game losing streak. We play four games a week in this league and it's every day and every other day, and you know you hear it and you start to feel it a little bit."

A little bit? Try a lot. Seriously, I've never seen a team look so beaten, so hopeless, so completely dispirited. And I've watched dozens, maybe hundreds of Clippers games. Speaking of which, here's a sure sign of just how bad things have gotten for the Nyets. There's not a single player on New Jersey's roster who wouldn't rather be playing for the Clippers right now. Think about that.

In a move that's utterly fitting, Nyets GM Kiki Vandeweghe has been hired as the new coach, although he was mysteriously absent from the sidelines of last nights historic pummeling. Convenient, no? Anyway, Kiki deserves the chance to clean up the mess he's made. After all, he's the man who's overseen the dismemberment of this once almost-proud (for a few years during the Jason Kidd era anyway) franchise. Let's hope he can back up his own strong words: "Nobody likes to lose. Period. And obviously we made it clear and you all know this is a developmental year, but nobody expected to be 0-17. That's just obviously not acceptable and I think that it's not acceptable to anybody and especially the players."

Then maybe you should have brought in a few better players, Kiki.

Who knows how long this doom and gloom will last for the poor Nyets. They have a home game against the Bobcats tomorrow night and a game in New York on Sunday. After that they face the Bulls in Chicago, the Warriors in New Jersey and the Pacers in Indiana. So at least they have a bunch of sub-.500 teams coming up. They have to win at least one of those games...right? Right?! Oh dear God.

Basketbawful reader Greg B. is either a super-positive thinker or simply a cruel bastard, because he wrote in to say: "While the Nets have fallen to a most unprecedented 0-18 to start the season, one thing they have to be proud of is that if the 2nd quarter was eliminated completely, they would have won the game! That counts for something...right?"


Bonus Bawful! Thanks to Preveen for sending in this link to 18 ugly moments in Nyets team history.

More Bonus Bawful! A NETS FAIL photo string:

Nets fail 2

Nets fail 1

Nets fail 3

Nets "fans": Way to support your team, Nets fans. Jesus Christ.

nets fans 2

nets fans 1

John Hollinger: It was inevitable, really. Somebody was going to tell the world that the winless Nyets aren't as bad as they seem. Well, number-cruncher John Hollinger has proclaimed that the Nyets are not the worst team in the league. I repeat: Hollinger says the 0-18 Nyets are not the worst team in the league. He says that honor belongs to the Minnesota Timberwolves...and maybe one of the worst teams in NBA history.

Look, my distaste of advanced stats is well-known, but I'm slowly coming around to seeing their use, not as end-all, be-all evidence of this or that, but as extra tidbits of information that can be used to analyze an incredibly complex system. But any numbers that absolve the Nyets of "Worst Team in the League" status are shamefully, even irresponsibly inaccurate. I mean, really, in the end, the only things that matter are wins and losses, right? At the end of a season, won-loss record the only relevant team statistic. And I'd be willing to bet my entire collection of vintage Larry Bird facial hair clippings that every member of the Nyets would trade their zero wins for the two the Timberwolves have.

Look, I understand Hollinger has more math skills in his nose hairs than I have in my entire body. But the Nyets have been haplessly destroyed in the last several games leading up to their infamous all-time worstie. There are people who have cut off their own arms to you'd think the Nyets would have absolutely killed themselves to avoid this ignominy. Instead, they let the Mavs shoot 80 percent in the first half last night.

Bottom line: there is no worst team in the NBA than the Nyets right now. Any numbers that say otherwise are worse liars than Tigar Woods.

Kiki Vandeweghe, captain obvious: Stormin Lormin sent in this pregame quote from Kiki: "We realize we're not a championship team this year." Well...

no shit

Do What You Do      Hallelujah Hollaback      ...blackhercules21...

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