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Sunday, February 28, 2010

The 20 Worst Hip-Hop Album Covers

On yesterday's road trip to Tubingen I was on the bus sitting next to Ben Jacobson and were both bumping our music. You see, I frequently update his iPod with the latest crack music and two days ago was no different. I put a lot of different type of tunes on his mp3 player from Dave Matthews to Usher. Needless to say, I peek over to see what he's playing and the album art throws me for a loop. At that moment I was listening to Mos Def's Ecstatic which has this album art


and he was listening to Robin Thicke's Sex Therapy which has this album art


at a quick glance you can understand my surprise when I thought we were listening to the same CD, especially since I didn't give him Mos Def's album...but he wasn't, he can go out and score 18 first half points with 2 Luv Birds stuck in his head. Anyway, this then sparked a discussion about the best and worst album art we both have on our iPod's which then led to me finding this funny @ss list...enjoy



The 20 Worst Hip-Hop Album CoversOh, hip-hop. If there's one thing the most American of musical forms is not known for, it's self-restraint. A perfect place to see this in action is the album cover - that 5"x5" square that sums up in a single image what the record is about. The following twenty covers are so amazingly terrible that they'd make records scratch all by themselves. Ready to get funky?

Worst Hip Hop Album Covers Da Brat
Da Brat – Da Brat – There’s two possible explanations here. One is Photoshop. The other one is that Da Brat actually got a custom painted leotard with images of herself on it. I am pulling so hard for #2 it’s not even funny.
Worst Hip Hop Album Covers Sweet P
Sweet P – I Toast Myself – The ontological implications of this image are astonishing. Jesus turned water into wine, but Sweet P can apparently turn cognac into his body and then back into cognac. And then, in theory, he will alco-bang the girl in the ill-fitting denim bikini who got his name tattooed on her titty.
Worst Hip-Hop Albym Covers Iceberg
Iceberg – Gangsta Rap – Yeah, but if you put a huge gilded frame around it, it’ll be classy. No matter that if you peek you can actually see his ho’s vajayajy.
Worst Hip Hop Album Covers Ms Tee
M$ Tee – Havin’ Thing$  – Yes, having your grandma’s things. I wouldn’t really brag about that living room set.
Worst Hip Hop Album Covers Big Bear
Big Bear – Doin’ Thangs – This is such a legendary cover that any words I could say about it would be wasted. I just love that instead of the typical pile of bling, we have nuts and berries. This guy lives the gimmick.
Worst Hip Hop Album Covers Mystikal
Mystikal – Unpredictable – We all know that Mystikal is batcrap crazy anyhow, but this cover really drives the message home. I’M AN EXPLODING JIGSAW PUZZLE! PREDICT THIS! YOU CAN’T!
Worst Hip Hop Album Covers 1st Famm
1st Famm – Best Kept Secret – You know, as phony as this dude’s Terminator 2 liquid metal face mask job is, you’ve got to give him props for hiring identical twin bodyguards to protect his pile of gold bars. Oh wait.
Worst Hip Hop Album Covers Baby
Baby aka #1 Stunna – Birdman – Photoshop is a hell of a tool, man. Do you think they nerds at Adobe in like 1990 when they first released Photoshop 1.0 had any idea that twenty years later people would be using it to create deformed rapper/bird hybrids?
Worst Hip Hop Album Covers South Coast Shorty
South Coast Shorty – The Hot Girl – Seriously? I’d hate to see the ugly girl, if that’s the hot one.
Worst Hip Hop Album Covers Spank Rock
Spank Rock And Benny Blanco - Bangers And Cash – Okay, it’s one thing to pay tribute to 2 Live Crew’s classic As Nasty As They Wanna Be. It’s quite another to put cellulite that nasty on full display. Damn, girl, take some sandpaper to that mess.
Worst Hip Hop Album Covers Candyman
Candyman – Ain’t No Shame In My Game – Well, you know, maybe there should be. Just a little bit, you know, enough to stop you from playing Willy Wonka Twister on the cover of your record.
Worst Hip Hop Album Covers Common
Common – Finding Forever – Yo, if you thought that Candyman record was homo, this is a whole ‘nother level. I love Common to death but brother’s wearing eyeliner and he just got a copy of Illustrator. He looks like Andre 3000 went to community college. Bad decisions all around.
Worst Hip Hop Album Covers Cam'Ron
Cam’Ron – Confessions Of Fire – Okay, the degree of gayness between Candyman and Common is the distance from New York to Cleveland, Ohio. The degree of gayness between Common and Cam’Ron (what’s up with all these C names?) is the distance from Cleveland, Ohio to Jupiter. Look at him. He oiled himself up for this cover. He should call it Confessions Of Fire Island.
Worst Hip Hop Album Covers Ghostface Killa
Ghostface Killa – Bulletproof Wallets – All right, enough gay jokes. This is just Ghostface… making breakfast for Raekwon… in his bathrobe. Oh God dammit.
Worst Hip-Hop Album Covers Majik Most
Majik Most – Molesting Hiphop – Yo, I know it’s street to act like you’re a hardened criminal, but somehow I don’t think “child molester” is really what you want to shoot for. Especially with your snorkel and barely-past-puberty facial hair. Bonus points for the completely inappropriate Ernie and Bert cameo.
Worst Hip Hop Album Covers Lil Rascal
Lil Rascal – Like A Grown As Man – So ups to Lil Rascal for using the pronunciation mark in the title, but how much crap do you think he got from people? He probably just got business cards that read “THE LINE OVER THE S MEANS YOU PRONOUNCE IT LONGER, IT’S GROWN ASS MAN.” And then there’s the hilarious photoshopped stretch Ford Explorer to add insult to injury.
Wost Hip Hop Album Covers AP9
A.P.9 – The Grinch – The Photoshop quality on this one is better than normal, but it keeps you asking the question: is Jim Carrey’s Grinch really something you want to build a rap identity around? Is A.P.9. working on a Cat in the Hat mixtape next?
Worst Hip Hop Album Covers Trick Daddy
Trick Daddy – WWW.Thug.Com – Hip-hop: on my Internet? Apparently so, as Trick Daddy’s absurd recreation of a mid-90s Netscape Navigator window comes complete with grody pixilation, a ghetto navbar and more. I’m surprised he didn’t hire a guy to make it drop a bunch of pop-up windows when you open the case.
Worst Hip Hop Album Covers Master P
Master P – Gameface – I probably could have just picked 20 Master P covers for this piece and rolled with it. Instead, I decided to go with TKTK’s Gameface, where he stepped away from his diamond-encrusted tank and bling fonts approach for something a little… creepier. You can almost hear a muffled voice screaming “Hootie Hoo” with its last breath.
Worst Hip Hop Album Covers Top Dog
Top Dog – Slam Dunkin’ Hoes – I love the ones that are just super literal. Your album’s called Slam Dunkin’ Hoes? Let’s just put your ass on the cover slam dunking a hoe. No, you don’t actually have to do it, they have this thing called Photoshop and I can just – aw, let me just show you. And then Top Dog was all like “PERFECT!”

Do What You Do       Hallelujah Hollaback      ...blackhercules21...

2 comments:

  1. Another sidenote to Spank Rock And Benny Blanco's cover... they're not even on a beach! They just stole some sand from the local sandbox and used 18 ink cartridges to print out a tropical scene as the background?! Bad butts and you didn't even get to do a photoshoot on location somewhere... rough

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