Friday, February 5, 2010

Have You Been Working Out Part 1

As I told you yesterday, I am back behind the wheel on the streets of Gottingen. Now with that being said, one of the things I've been able to do it get back up to Rainer Junge. Lifting is a big part of my weekly schedule and Rainer Junge is the weightroom we usually lift at. It's a ten minute drive away so while I was "wheel less" I had to resort to working out at Fitness First, which is just a hop skip and a jump down the block.

Both gyms are good in their own way, Rainer Junge doubles as a physical therapy center so the weightroom it's not as crowded and the equipment is top-notch. Fitness First is our version of NYSC or Crunch so the trainers will push you a little harder and there is a lot more weight to be thrown around by yours truly.

Now I'm aware that as of January 1st a lot of us decided that spare tires look better in the trunk of our cars rather than around our waists.  And with that realization, we probably joined a new gym...since this was something that was relatively new to me (I've been working out at the same gym since highschool), I didn't realize the kind of people that frequent "the gym" and by "the gym" I mean every gym from New York and New Jersey to Gottingen Germany...but now I know...enjoy this blog dedicated to the people who visit (y)our local gym.

If I’ve missed any, please don’t hesitate by letting me know with the usual “omfg I can’t believe your dumbass missed” type of comment.

Chick Who Is Just There To Socialize
This will happen more so at Fitness First. She's the attention whore...a good looking female who might do 5 crunches during her time at the gym.  She’s there to socialize and bathe in the attention and looks that she’s getting from every straight guy within range.  However, you’re not allowed to stare at her tights that have been hiked into her ass crack.  Why?  Because only pigs do that, and she’ll let you know if she catches you.

The Old Man (Not Safe For Work Vid)
This will definitely only happen at Rainer Junge, the old man and his swinging nuts can make for a very interesting and uncomfortable gym encounter.  You see, the old man isn’t a perv, but he’s completely oblivious that some of his body parts peek out of his gym gear.  However, explaining to him that everyone can see his gray bush during situps, and his wrinkled sack during squats is even more uncomfortable.  In this situation, it’s best to just ignore.

The Grunter
Grunters are more likely to be found at Fitness First...but grunting is unnecessary and retarded.  You get nothing from grunting that you couldn’t get from a regular exhale.  Loud grunts are just another away of saying “Hey look at me and how fucking jacked and tan I am.”  Obligatory video of guido douchebags goes here.  F*ckin’ skanks.

Fat Guy Who Keeps Farting
These guys can be found at both Rainer Junge and Fitness First, and although we don't have any football teams out here, we do a guy named "Big Fish". And he's the "ghetto version" of the guy pictured above. Now the offensive lineman for your local Junior College team doesn’t really want to be at the gym.  Lucky for you and the rest of the gym, his coach wants him there on Saturdays to “put on a few pounds of muscle.”  That would be groovy, except for the fact that he was up all night doing shots of jack while washing them down with Natty Ice.  To top in off, he ate 2 plates of Johnny Rockets Chili Cheese Fries and had a milk shake to sober up.  This person is sporting a ridiculous case of mud butt, and now you’re going to suffer.

Touchy Trainer
I'm not going to say I've seen a touchy trainer at either of my gyms (because they are both sponsors/and great places by the way) but I know touchy trainers exist everywhere. If you’ve got female friends who attend a gym, you should ask them sometime if they’ve had a “touchy trainer.”  Some of these clowns would be full on fisting girls during their training session if they weren’t stopped.  “You’re really tight, let’s see if we can work that out!”

Girl Who Could Beat Your Ass
Not my ass...your ass. It really makes you feel like a worthless weak turd when you’re putting your 20 LBS dumbbell  back in the rack, only to see some hot chick, grab an even heavier set.  You can play it off (<--view that link) by acting like it was just your warm up set, but there are risk factors involved.

The Heavy Set Guy
fat guy at gym
It’s hard to say anything bad about this guy.  They get called “fat ass” and get told to “hit the gym” all of their life, and now that they’re at the gym, I'm going to clown on them again. I know I'm a bad person. But the thing is while they’re trying to burn off those McRibs, they expel a ridiculous amount of sweat.  And yea it is a gym and people are supposed to sweat but if you could have a choice between sharing a bench press with a 150 pound guy or fat Albert whose grease covered sweat smells like fast food, which one would you choose?

For all of you who have already given up on your New Year's Resolution to hit the gym...these next three blogs are supposed to be nothing but motivation to get your a$s back in gear...

Do What You Do       Hallelujah Hollaback       ...blackhercules21...

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