Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Five Things You Learn After You Turn 21

My little brother turned 20 yesterday so he still officially has one year to learn these five things...but I figured I'd just give him the little heads up...

The Wingman
Find one.  And I don’t just mean anyone.  A good Wingman is like a guardian angel on crack cocaine.  Buzz kill at 12 o’ clock?  Send him in.  Over protective roommate ruining your game?  Give him the nod and get the fuck out of the way.  A good Wingman does not mind taking down a Wildebeest that tips the scales at a buck eighty-five.  He’ll do it, and look good doing it.

Bar Tabs
Never throw down your debit card before you’ve paid rent for that month.  We’ve all done it and some of you reading this will probably do it again.  That's alright though, its part of growing up.  If you haven’t lived off of Top Ramen for weeks on end, then you really haven’t lived at all.  If rent is $475 and you have $500 in your account, do yourself a favor and withdrawal 20 bucks in cash.  That's still enough to get you a few drinks during happy hour.  Otherwise you end up buying drinks for those around you, and the $20 you wanted to spend, turns into $50 that you don’t have.

Cock Block
You probably can’t count on one hand how many times you’ve been cock blocked or returned the favor.  When two guys give one girl the same retarded amount of attention, she will end up bailing on you both to hang with the guy who smacked her ass on her way to the ladies room.  Sometimes its important to know when to bow out.  If not, there"s a good chance your face will end up looking like a hamburger at the hands of your best friend.  And at what cost?  A piece of tail you probably wouldn’t have been able to take home.

Cab Fair
Always keep enough reserve cash for the cab fair.  Scrambling around the block at 3am with a stomach full of alcohol is no picnic.

You Won’t Be Having Sexual Intercourse

Unless you have a vagina, there’s a good chance you won’t get laid when you hit the clubs.  After going out for a few years you’ll find that you have much more fun when your goal is only to have a good time.  When your goal is to get laid, you’re setting yourself up for defeat.  On occasion you will find the sloppy chick who is ready to knock boots after you’ve given her 2 compliments, 4 drinks, and fed her some lines about how successful you are.  Glove up, this isn’t her first rodeo.  You didn’t seal that deal because you have game, you sealed it because you found a whore.  The Alpha Male: Trying to be the dominant alpha male is also a good way for people to laugh at you, not with you.  Chicks don’t dig it and your batting average will plummet from low to non-existent. 

If the video below reminds you of how you and your friends act, you’re doing something wrong. I sure hope Benci isn't reading this

Holy Sh*t....Jersey Shore Finale tonight?? That's Amazing

Do What You Do      Hallelujah Hollaback      ...blackhercules21...

1 comment:

  1. So true my friend.. greets from Cologne Germany ;)